I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
