I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
