this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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