I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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