Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
