this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
