you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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