You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
