Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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