I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
