all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
