oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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