I'm drive I can fine osifer
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
