you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
