You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
