Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
