I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
