i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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