I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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