oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
