He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
pray to the hookup gods
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
