I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
