So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
