I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Randomize
