so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
