Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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