at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
