Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
