I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
