did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize