Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
