what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
