We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it's like iHOP with fire
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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