my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
