Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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