Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
