but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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