You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
