Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
