I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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