it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
