No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
