so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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