May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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