I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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