I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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