I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
