omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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