Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
