Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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