note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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