so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
