i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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