my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
