i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
