I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
