What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
