I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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