I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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