She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
