i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go