she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out