I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low