if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November